Thursday, 1 August 2013

Moving Through Fear

Today I was talking to someone about a decision they were struggling with. They were in love with someone, but that person was moving to another state and they weren't sure whether they should go along. This person did lots of logical analysis telling me all the reasons it wouldn't work and perhaps they should just stay put, and...see what developed....This is how our conversation went:
Me: So if you don't go, will you regret it?
Them: Well, yes. But what if it doesn't work out?
Me: What is the absolute worst thing that could happen?
Them: I could end up in a strange place with no friends.
Me: So have you made friends where you live now? What is the difference between making friends here or there?
Them: Hmm, well I have a family member I need to be around. I can't let them down.
Me: If that family member had a chance to do what you are doing, would they stay there for you, so they wouldn't let you down? ...just asking... I love asking the 'hard' questions!
Them: Well, I guess I needed someone to ask me probing questions, to help me get things in perspective.
Me: Life is full of opportunities. Some work. Some don't. There are no guarantees in life. So, ask yourself: 'In 20 years time, will I be living in regret or will I be happy with the choices I've made.' You are young. Even if you are stuck there for a year or four, it's only a small dent in your life span...and think of the wonderful experiences you can have there that you can't have right where you are now!
This was followed by a huge explanation of how the current plans this person had might not be compatible with the move, for a variety of reasons...and then they mentioned the 's' word....
Me: Are you trying to convince me or you?
Them: Me.... I'm 'scared' it might not work out. I need to stop thinking and let whatever happens happens.
Me: Yes, you are over-thinking, trying to be logical and rationalise and analyse. Just 'be'!
Them: And if it's meant to be, it will be!
Okay, so this wasn't quite what I had meant, so I decided to try my favourite ploy for helping people to recognise what they really want to do, but they are so busy focusing on what could go wrong, they can't 'hear' it.
Me: Okay, so think of the very worst thing that has ever happened to you. Where do you feel it? What does it feel like?
Them: My Heart? Like something's consuming it.. Like being breathless?
Me: Now think of the best thing. How does it feel and where?
Them: My heart and my tummy. Like everything is floating.
Me: Now think of the person you love. Which feeling do you get?
Them: The second one, because they are one of the best things that's happened to me!
I won't mention that I jokingly suggested meeting me was probably THE best thing in their life!
Me: Okay, so now think about moving.
Them: It scares me...instead of butterflies, it feels like rocks in my belly.
Me: Now think about staying right here.
Them: I don't know, I suppose I feel neutral...flat.
Me: Now think about not ever 'hooking up' with them again.
Them: Sad.
Me: Where?
Them: My heart.
Me: Now think about being with them/married.
Them: Butterflies and happiness..
Me: Where?
Them: My heart and my tummy again.
Me: So, can you see the pattern here? Your body will never lie to you. The bad and the good feelings are your true barometer. All else is fear. Fear isn't real. It's something we create so we don't have to leave our comfort zone.
Me: Gotcha!
This person came up with a viable solution that would enable them to test the waters and re-organise their life to incorporate this big change. As they told me their new 'plan', I couldn't help thinking: 'This person has gone from a place of fear and indecision to talking like someone without regrets! How awesome is that?!

How often do we feel the fear and believe doing nothing is what we really want to do? How often do we listen to the rocks in our stomach instead of the butterflies in our heart?
When we align with our emotions/true feelings, we are able to work out what we are creating with fear, and what is our true course.

Remember fear is what we create to avoid stepping out of our comfort isn't is our imagination taking flight. Lets bring it back down to earth, so we can realise our truth and our desired path.

with love, respect and integrity
Cherie xx

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